-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- Much advice for fathers is written about reluctant dads . But , of course , this is not all of us .

Before I became a father , I struggled to find advice that really spoke to me , and I hope that the following bits of wisdom speak to other American dads , men who really want to be the best they can be . Let me begin with where it all began for me .

In August , in the waning days of Ramadan , the month of fasting observed by Muslims , I was confronted with a devastating choice . While Hurricane Irene raged through the streets of New York , my wife was in labor in a Manhattan hospital room . She had been laboring for 22 hours , and now , after repeated attempts to control it , she was wrestling with a fever .

My son , still inside her , was slipping away from us . His heart rate was rapidly increasing , a sign of his distress . My wife and I are the `` do everything natural '' couple . We took prenatal yoga , went for prenatal acupuncture , found a loving doula and ate copious amounts of kale , and my wife refused all drugs from the moment her pain began . But like countless others , we had to make a difficult call that day . `` Let 's end this , '' I said . `` Let 's take the baby out . ''

In less than an hour , just after the sun set , doctors performed a c-section and pulled our baby boy out . After they clipped the cord and I said the call to prayer in his ear , we brought him around the curtain to his mother . It is strange that we bring our children into rooms that are brightly lit , with sterile walls , surrounded by strangers wearing plastic gloves . I could only imagine my son 's confusion . Thankfully , my son heard our voices , the same voices he had been hearing since he was able to hear while inside the womb .

On the day of his birth , he opened his beautiful eyes bright and wide -LRB- thank goodness he has his mother 's eyes -RRB- and studied us .

It was like he was asking , `` who 's responsible for me ? Oh , there they are . Are they sure they know what they are doing ? ''

The answer in a word : No . We had no idea what we were doing .

My wife and I are both Muslim , and we both come from large families . I am black , and she is Indian-American . We are tied together by faith and an overriding sense that we need to raise our son in a way that is different from how we were both raised . He is very different from us , born into a very different time . But how do we do this ?

As a father , I started by laying out some nurturing father principles and assumptions . They are based in my faith but resonate universally .

First , my faith tells me that my son is without sin . My wife and I are his `` spiritual parents , '' with the tough job of guiding him down a righteous path . To do this , we had to be prepared . Getting married was step one . Waiting a bit before diving into parenthood was step two . Sure , we could have waited longer and discovered more about ourselves as a unit and therefore been better parents . But in truth , no one is ever `` ready . '' Constantly strengthening our own sense of faith as he watches is step three .

Second , my son is good . He is untainted . He does not lie or cheat or steal . He has never cursed , never talked about someone behind his or her back . He smiles at strangers ; he 's calm when we pray . I have to nurture and bring out the best in him . I have to pay attention to him , let him cry and express himself and listen to him even when I have little attention . Among the tools I have at my disposal is my example . He will follow what I do more than he will follow what I say .

Third , my son was born intelligent , as a whole human being , with the ability to express and understand human emotion . I must help fill that brilliance with information and rich experiences that let him see the beauty of the world and understand how to navigate around the ugly .

Fourth , my son has rights and responsibilities . He has the right to be loved and to find love . He has the right to fail and to succeed , to never go hungry , to never be homeless and to always have a community and a family . He has the responsibility to nurture others , to fight oppression .

Fifth , I have to be the best human being I can be . It is my responsibility to work even when I can not find work . I must maintain a true and loving partnership with his mother . Through me , he must learn to see all people as created equal , to never disrespect women in any way with verbal , emotional or physical abuse .

Right now , my son is sleeping . I look upon him knowing he feels my love . I also know he can feel stress , tension and negative emotions . As a nurturing father , I should always remember that any mistakes he makes are not a reflection of who he is . At the core , he is a good human being whose soul comes from the Creator of the Universe , and my wife and I have been chosen as the primary caretakers for this vessel of light , this small human being . And we will do the best we know how , praying all along that it is enough .

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Ibrahim Abdul-Matin .

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Ibrahim Abdul-Matin looked for advice when he was becoming a dad ; now he offers his own

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He and his wife , both Muslim , know they 're raising their son in a different time than theirs

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He lays out five principles for raising his son , including building faith , setting example

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Writer : A father must work , must teach respect for women and teach that all are equal